Worthlessness

I can't help but think how similar this is to those who don't understand depression saying "You can't be depressed, you have X in your life", or words to that effect.

My Sufferer and I are incredibly fortunate - we have three children in our lives who are healthy and growing up every day. They are beautiful - inside and out. Obviously I write this as an utterly biased mother of said children.

My Sufferer knows they are beautiful. He knows that they are full of joy, love and excitement (when they're not busy being tired, miserable and contrary!) He recognises how like him our elder son is. The baby does nothing but smile, coo and wriggle.

Along with so many other aspects of life, they bring me endless happiness.

But I am lucky. For I can see the colours all around and interpret their beauty. Afterall, it is in the eye of the beholder.

My Sufferer can't quite manage the same. He knows all of the above to be true - but he can't always get his head round it.

It is for this reason that we have decided not to try one of the suggestions I came across recently - making a Black Dog Box / Memory Box. The idea is to fill a box with reminders of those things which make you happy. When a Sufferer feels their mood slipping, they take a stroll through those happy thoughts to help regain mental balance. But that wouldn't work for him. He finds himself trapped by the very common feature of depression - worthlessness. Being reminded of his children would only make him feel undeserving of them as a Sufferer of depression.

I was disappointed when he seemed reluctant to try the Black Dog Box - I quite liked it when I read about it. But it taught me an important lesson too - not everything works for everyone. Yes, it's worth giving something a try - but there must first be discussion. Then, understanding. No matter how enthusiastic you are, that won't be enough to overcome your Sufferer's legitimate reluctances.

But never stop trying. You will find things that work. Together.

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