Mirror, Mirror...

Today was one of those days when I just couldn't get anything done. Not that I could be bothered to even try. I've been fighting off a lurgy for over a week now and it seemed to finally take me down today.

What was interesting was that my sufferer seemed to suffer some reflected lack of motivation - as if my sloth-like response to this virus was contagious. Don't misunderstand - he didn't suddenly tumble back down the hill into some pit of darkness. He just couldn't seem to get started on almost anything.

I used my usual nudging techniques to point him in the right direction but to no avail.

When we talked about it at lunchtime, he pointed out that he finds it a real struggle when I'm out of action. I don't micro-manage his time to ensure he gets things done - far from it. I try very hard to leave him to his own devices. For some reason, though, he can't kick-start his day if he knows I'm not up to much.

Is this the essence of co-dependence? It seems like something other than that. But I'm not sure exactly what! Is it just an excuse for having a lazy day too? Can it be overcome? How?!

Reflecting on the day that's drawing to a close, my sufferer has actually been pretty busy. EVen if he doesn't realise it. He has cared for our young boys, made lunches, cooked dinner, read stories, written a guest post for me (without being asked!), tidied a mountain of toys away, bathed the  boys and done the bedtime routine. Not bad at all really.

Maybe it's more about feeling unproductive than actually being unproductive. Damn those pesky feelings! ;)

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Separation will keep you together

I have hated living with my Sufferer.

He is lazy, inconsiderate, argumentative, apathetic, oblivious, aggressive, selfish, and pathetic.

Except, he isn't.

Depression is.

Learning to separate the two things - your Sufferer and their depression - is the only way I can cope with this. Thinking of the depression as an uninvited - and unwelcome - house guest allows us both to acknowledge its existence, deal with the associated fallout and yet remain united against it like the third party it is in our relationship.

Maybe the black dog analogy works best for you. Perhaps there's a better alternative. Maybe you should give your Sufferer's depression a name, a personality. Anything that helps to focus on the fact that depression is not your Sufferer. Don't make too much of a joke of it - the last thing a sufferer of depression needs is to feel ridiculed - but a little humour can unite and carries us through the hardest of times.

We have recently adopted the black dog analogy and both find it very helpful. He doesn't have a name yet but I'm sure it's only a matter of time. Afterall, he is already a 'he'. Any suggestions?

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