Epiphany & Inertia

My Sufferer read the post I wrote yesterday and he liked it. Always nice to hear - especially as he wasn't expecting to enjoy this project and half-expected a collection of 31 rants about how rubbish he is! [In fairness, I'm as surprised as he is!]

What has exceeded all of my expectations, however, is that my post made him think. And he realised something. For the first time in fifteen years, he has been able to see that he is constantly waiting for the next thing to happen that moves his life on. He doesn't see that he is master of his own destiny but rather a pawn in someone else's game.

He went on to tell me how disappointed he has been with his progress - or perceived lack thereof - over the last couple of weeks. From my perspective, he has taken many steps in the right direction and I'm really pleased for him. What was particularly interesting was that this wasn't delivered in the usual context and by the usual means. This wasn't the black dog beating my Sufferer iver the head with how much better he should be doing by now. Oh no. This was HIM talking to me. Like two people discussing the weather almost. So matter of fact. And yet so considered. I consider this a bloody huge breakthrough!

I can't help but think just how tough it must be to live in a state of inertia. Maybe that would be a better name for depression. Living as though someone else has the strings. Sometimes thinking for a moment that you can take control but always being pulled back by the perceived puppeteer.

It made me think of this song - a song I know well and love. Reviewing the lyrics, I can't believe how apt it is. This one's for you.

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Caring for someone with depression: Netdoctor Article

After a lot of research online, I've come across a great article directed at Supporters or Carers of those suffering from depression. Let me be absolutely clear - I did not write the following article and I am nothing like clever enough with blogging to have worked out how to embed the article!

The link is at the bottom for those wishing to view the article on the netdoctor website and comment there. There are also links to other related articles if you would like to read more.

I hope it is of help to you. I think the most important point for me was the reminder to look after myself first. It's really easy to fill your time with everything else in life rather than make time for yourself. I have certainly forgotten that in recent weeks and, in hindsight, I think it's beginning to show in my mood. Unfortunately I can't quite manage to jet off to Paris for the weekend, nor can I squeeze in a relaxing spa day, but I can certainly get out the house for a coffee/walk in the drizzle/jump in the bath with my headphones in!

Take care of yourselves folks.

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"Depression can touch all of us

Depression is a surprisingly common disorder. Something like one in every five adults will suffer from it during their lifetime. Two million new cases are diagnosed every year in the UK.

The condition affects all age groups, though women are twice as likely to experience it as men.

There is also evidence that depression has become more common in recent years largely due to the increasing levels of stress that we are all confronted with on a daily basis.

Many factors contribute to the onset of true clinical depression. But whatever the cause, it all boils down to this: at some stage and to some extent, you, personally, are probably going to need to care for someone close to you with depression, even if you are lucky enough never to suffer from it yourself.

Caring is a vital role
It is far from easy to care for a depressed person. The results and rewards in the long term are usually wonderful, but in the initial stages it is often an uphill and thankless task.

Your role as a carer requires immense patience and perseverance, but ultimately it could prove essential to a person's recovery and could even save someone's life.

However sympathetic and up-to-date the doctors and nurses may be, they simply cannot be there 24 hours a day to observe every small alteration in someone's behaviour or mood. But this is where you, as the carer, can help.

Barriers
Depression is different from most medical conditions in that sufferers with depression rarely seek or welcome support.

Typical of the disorder is a conviction of guilt and worthlessness, poor self-esteem and apathy.

Together with emotional numbness, self-imposed isolation and pervasive gloominess, the depressed person's state of mind is very hard to get through to; you may find it hard to get your offers of help and support accepted.

Moreover, depression, regrettably, remains stigmatised by society.

It seems perfectly acceptable to be off work and incapacitated by a broken leg, but not with depression.

But if the carer has a good understanding of the symptoms of classical depression and knows how best to deal with them when nobody else wants to know, many of the barriers which depression erects in the face of assistance can be overcome.

Recognising depression
Depression comes in different forms.

Sometimes it is a reaction to some sudden and unexpected life event (acute depression), but it can also come on gradually for no obvious reason.

In both types certain symptoms are evident. Low, despairing moods and tearfulness are common.

There is a general loss of interest in work, hobbies and pastimes. Emotions are blunted and life doesn't seem worth living. Their concentration may be poor and their memory unreliable. Anxiety and restlessness are common.

In severe cases there may be delusions, hallucinations and suicidal thoughts or impulses.

Physically, waking up in the night or early in the morning is typical.

There may be a loss of appetite and weight, constant tiredness, hypochondriasis and reduced libido.

In bipolar depression, otherwise known as manic depression, the depressive symptoms alternate with mania – where high moods, excitement and elation give sufferers excess energy, rapid speech, less need for sleep and wild, racing thoughts and impulses.

In postnatal depression, which affects up to 15 per cent of women up to two years after childbirth, strong feelings of isolation, inadequacy, exhaustion and alienation from their baby are common.

What not to say
Well-meant comments like 'you can't be sad, you've everything to live for' and crass ones such as 'pull yourself together' and 'snap out of it' are totally unhelpful.

A depressed person does not have the ability to 'snap out of it'.
Nobody chooses to be depressed or gains anything from the symptoms, and if they only could just 'snap out of it' they certainly would. Sensitivity and patience are paramount.

Offering support
Start by talking to the depressed person about their problems and feelings. Approach it sympathetically and listen carefully even if what they tell you is patently not true or painfully misguided.

Try not to offer bland, groundless reassurance or spur-of-the-moment advice, and encourage them to talk to their GP. Accept the way they see the world at present – you won't be able to change their mood through logical argument, much as you may want to.

Reassure them however that medical treatment is very effective and that there really is light at the end of the tunnel. Once you've talked, keep in regular touch, be available and see if there is any practical help you can provide right now.

Accompany them to the doctor's appointment if it helps, but don't be tempted to take over completely – a person with depression is going to need to make decisions for themselves again as soon as possible.

Monitoring progress
Remember that it is going to take just as long for the patient to get well again as it may have taken to become gradually depressed. So keep an eye on them frequently and assess progress.
If you're worried they've taken a turn for the worse, call their doctor.

You may also be in a good position to make further appointments, collect and deliver prescriptions, dish out the correct number of tablets, observe any side-effects and reinforce any on-going psychotherapy.

While medical treatment is best left to the doctors, there is no reason why a carer cannot introduce the patient to complementary therapies if appropriate.

St John's wort is one of the best researched herbal remedies, with some reasonable evidence supporting its use in depression. Yet current NICE guidelines do not recommend its use because of these on-going concerns about appropriate doses, duration of effect, variation in preparations and potential for serious drug interactions.

Pet therapy, reflexology and aromatherapy for example are all great ways to relax, as well as being gentle and safe.

Threats of self-harm or suicide
Some 3000 suicides a year occur in England and Wales as a result of depression, so never take suicidal gestures or thoughts lightly.

Many attempts at deliberate self-harm are simply a cry for help but they often signify serious depression and need to be referred for urgent professional help.

If the person concerned suggests that they have ever contemplated 'ending it', or spoken of how they might do it, you cannot take on this responsibility alone. You need to obtain immediate help.

Emergency and crisis
Life can be full of unexpected hard knocks for everyone; for a depressed person, it doesn't always take much to push them right over the edge.

In an emergency situation, call their GP, the Samaritans (08457 90 90 90) or take them to the nearest casualty department.

Sometimes a psychiatric nurse or doctor can even visit them at home, especially if they are already receiving treatment from a hospital team.

Some hospitals have Crisis Management Centres on constant standby just for these sorts of situations.

Your needs

Caring for someone with depression can be rewarding but it is also arduous and taxing. A devoted carer can easily get sucked into the situation, to the extent that their own health and welfare begins to suffer.

So, step back and delegate some of the support to others. If you don't look after yourself you'll soon become unable to look after your 'patient', so getting exhausted helps nobody.

Ensure adequate sleep, rest and exercise and refer to professionals whenever and wherever appropriate.

Other sources of help
There are many sources of help and support for depressed people and those who care for them, with some of the most notable being the Samaritans, MIND and Cruse Bereavement Care.

Carers, in combination with these charities, doctors and nurses, can combine to make an essential contribution to helping a depressed person overcome their disorder and feel well again."

Read the whole article here

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Life is a Rollercoaster

There's the old cliché that life is a rollercoaster. And although it sounds like something that should be on some motivational poster, it is never truer than when you have depression in your life.

One of the things I am finding particularly hard is adapting to the ups and downs. Although in general my Sufferer is doing far better than he was, there is still the feeling of taking steps forward and then back. Of course, that's entirely natural. Depression doesn't go away overnight. If anyone tries to tell you otherwise, they're reading far too many motivational posters!

My problem is trying not to take the blips, bumps and backwards steps personally. I don't handle them too well so far. Nor do I seem to be able to maintain any sense of perspective. It's as if we've dropped off the edge of a cliff rather than having encountered a familiar little bump on the road.

Perhaps my problem is that I am an optimist - or at least I try to be. I am always looking for hope to cling to. When things are going well, or at least improving, I have hope. I pin all my hopes on this being the beginning of the next big step in the right direction.

I know I shouldn't. How do I stop this? Will it just take time? Practice? Should I be more pessimistic so that I can always be pleasantly surprised?

I'll figure something out!

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Dog-fighting

Arguments happen. No matter whether you live with a Sufferer of depression or not. They are inevitable and, in fact, often a sign of a healthy relationship apparently.

However, I find myself running round in circles sometimes. Arguments that I know aren't going anywhere but won't come to an end. They follow a pattern. I can sense the descent into a downwards spiral but I can't do anything to change it.

I try logic, reasoning, shouting! Nothing works. I tell my Sufferer what's happening. He takes offence and the argument takes a turn in another direction. It's self-perpetuating.

And the worst of it is knowing that it will swallow up all available time and energy - like a black hole - and it will just spit me out at the end. Spent. As if I had nothing better to do.

Today, I worked out why this keeps happening. I'm not arguing with my partner. I'm arguing with a black dog that lives with us. No matter what I say, he can't hear me. The black dog has taken over. He is powerless to push the black dog away. He can't hear me. And, when backed into a corner, a dog's only response is to attack. And so it does.

We have talked about this and can't find a solution to avoid it happening again and again. All we can come up with is my Sufferer needs to try to find a way through the dog. Not easy when the black dog's presence is all-encompassing. Alternatively, he may, perhaps, try to put his trust in me when I tell him I can see what's happening.

If it were the other way round, I really don't know if I could do that.

I'm sure we're not alone in this predicament. I do wonder if anyone has found a way to overcome this facet of depression though.

Feel free to share your advice.

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10 Things that might just help with Depression

 

Here are some of the things you can encourage your Sufferer to try, in order to keep on top of depression. Some of them we've mentioned before but here they are, all in one place.

In no particular order!

1. Routine - To avoid feeling as though one day is just a continuation of the day before's drudgery, it's good to establish *some* sort of a routine. I realise that's easier said than done some times! But it makes sense that a bit of routine will give shape to the days and weeks so at least they don't blend into each other. I'm going to try to do this with my sufferer as we have virtually no routine from day-to-day or week-to-week!
2. Goal-setting - Start small but start nonetheless. Depression leaves the sufferer feeling incapable so each day that trickles by with nothing accomplished only makes it worse. Setting a goal - even if it is something as basic as loading the dishwasher every day - begins to fight that sense of uselessness. And, as each goal is achieved, their coplexity can be increased to slowly bring your Sufferer back up to speed.
3. Exercise - Healthy body, healthy mind. Very true. But better than just that, the chemicals released in the brain when we exercise - endorphons - are nature's natural highs. They make us feel better by flooding our brains with loveliness. Exercise can also tie in very well with forming part of a routine and with your sufferer's goal-setting.
4. Food, glorious food - avoiding lots of fat, sugar and caffeine can help. Also, eating bananas promote feel-good chemical production. There has been research that suggests that a low-carbohydrate diet is not helpful for depression and rather eating a good amount of carbohydrate by way of rice and pasta (not so much from potato) is beneficial.
5. Sleep - Get enough of it but don't get too much. That goes for both you and your Sufferer. Napping during the day isn't usually helpful. If you can get your routine in place, sleeping should form a part of that. If your Sufferer struggles to sleep, try to avoid watching TV/using a laptop in bed. Keep the bedroom as your sanctuary for sleeping only. (Well, and for baby-making practice - that counts towards exercise!)
6. Responsibilities - Make sure your Sufferer has some. My Sufferer has been struggling with work but is beginning to take on responsibilities at home, over and above those I refuse to ever adopt myself! [Bins are a boy job!] Tie these in with your routine and goals.
7. Negativity - Trying not to let it take over is hard enough. What your Sufferer needs to try to do though is focus on their negative thoughts in order to rationalise them and then, eventually, find a different way of looking at them the next time they crop up. Mindfulness courses might help - my Sufferer has undertaken one recently but only time will tell if it's going to help him to think differently!
8. Medication - There are many different anti-depressants available now which can help to avoid the very lowest of lows. They tend to keep the Sufferer on an even keel. There are other supplements thought to help such as Omega-3 and folic acid which you could talk to your doctor/pharmacist about.
9. Try something new - anything goes really! This is a tricky one though. Although there's a lot to be said for the feeling of satisfaction we derive from trying something new - excitement, satisfaction - for a sufferer of depression, the perceived risks associated with it and their generally negative outlook can make this impossible. If they can be persuaded though, there are rewards to be had.
10. Fun - It sounds glib to suggest you tell your Sufferer to try to have fun. Depression's main aim can often seem to be to strip the joy and fun out of the Sufferer's life, leaving it devoid of pleasure and happiness. Try really hard not to let it. I've noticed that we're having more fun lately - just silly stuff like dancing around the kitchen with the kids or laughing at silly pictures on the internet. It all helps release a few more blobs of happy chemicals in the brain. And we ALL need as much of that as we can get!

I'm going to start implementing some more of these suggestions tomorrow - starting with drawing up some kind of schedule/routine with my Sufferer. I'm hopeful this will provide the framework for a lot of the other elements to slot in to. Here goes!
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The Rain

To My Very Own Sufferer

I hope you know that I'll hold your umbrella.

It may be a shower, a downpour or even a monsoon.

But I will still love you.

My arm will get tired sometimes and that will make me grumpy.

I won't blame you. 

Sometimes I might get too tired and I'll drop the umbrella.

We'll both get wet.

I'm sorry. 

We'll never make the rain go away.

So we'll sit on our bench.

And I will still love you. 

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GUEST POST: "I can’t be bothered" by My Sufferer

My Sufferer has taken the time to write a guest post for us. It's important, as a Supporter, to have as much understanding as possible of depression in order to fight it with a united front. I hope you gain something from reading the following:

"I can't be bothered" 

This simple phrase, mostly spoken internally and not out loud – convenient excuses work so much better, is something that is/was (hopefully not will be) repeating over and over like a broken record in my head. From the mundane to the exciting, from miserable to (usually) pleasurable, no activity is safe from the inhibiting nature of this refrain. 

It is incredibly tough to deal with, and even harder to explain to others, how, without any forewarning, trigger or indication, the world can almost be closed off to a sufferer of depression as they sit mired in the fog of their own negativity.

One of the difficulties of being a depressed person is dealing with an accusation of avoidance of doing things no one ‘wants’ to do i.e. chores, work, etc. What others don't see is the avoidance of activities that the sufferer also does ‘want’ to do – hobbies etc. The picture that can then be built up of the depressed person is one of laziness and selfishness – accusations that serve to reinforce one’s own sense of low worth.

These accusations are things I have dealt with, and still deal with from some quarters. Depression is used as such a wide ranging term it is difficult to separate fact from fiction and something that my partner, until recently, didn't really understand. Growing up, and for much of her adult life my partner has always been a ‘pull yourself together’, ‘just get on with it’ type of person. To a true sufferer of depression (not someone who is just a bit down) this is akin to learning to breathe underwater.

I am thankful to my partner for undertaking this 31 Days of Writing as it is leading to a deeper understanding of the issues I face, and giving us the opportunity to turn from fighting each other over ultimately trivial matters to fighting my depression together.

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Separation will keep you together

I have hated living with my Sufferer.

He is lazy, inconsiderate, argumentative, apathetic, oblivious, aggressive, selfish, and pathetic.

Except, he isn't.

Depression is.

Learning to separate the two things - your Sufferer and their depression - is the only way I can cope with this. Thinking of the depression as an uninvited - and unwelcome - house guest allows us both to acknowledge its existence, deal with the associated fallout and yet remain united against it like the third party it is in our relationship.

Maybe the black dog analogy works best for you. Perhaps there's a better alternative. Maybe you should give your Sufferer's depression a name, a personality. Anything that helps to focus on the fact that depression is not your Sufferer. Don't make too much of a joke of it - the last thing a sufferer of depression needs is to feel ridiculed - but a little humour can unite and carries us through the hardest of times.

We have recently adopted the black dog analogy and both find it very helpful. He doesn't have a name yet but I'm sure it's only a matter of time. Afterall, he is already a 'he'. Any suggestions?

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DEPRESSION - The Most Important Piece of Advice

This could be the most important piece of advice I have learned so far - so listen up.

Tell people that you are trying to support a sufferer of depression.

Tell your family, friends, work colleagues.

Stop hiding it and hiding from it.

No-one can help if they don't know you might need their help.

And by the time you need their help, you won't feel like telling them the whole story before asking for some help.

Who knows, you might even find a fellow Supporter hiding their story.

I wish I'd said something sooner - it feels like a weight has been lifted in some ways.

Don't struggle on your own - don't even try. No-one can beat depression on their own - whether a Sufferer, a Supporter or even a medical professional.

And don't forget - there's always hope.

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Dear Diary...

In yesterday's post, the World Health Organisation's advice included keeping a Depression Journal/Black Dog Diary. Call it what you will - I liked the sound of it and decided I'd look into the whys and wherefores.

Firstly, it doesn't have to be an actual, written diary. For those who would find the idea of writing down thoughts/feelings tantamount to torture, recording them as an audio file can work too. Don't dismiss the option just yet.

When I think about keeping a diary, I immediately see an 11-year old girl sitting in her PJs, drawing hearts around a boy's name or detailing how Boy A happened to glance at her today in the Humanities Corridor. Oh my! It doesn't have to be that way folks - and that isn't the aim.

One of the main reasons why it can be an effective method of coping with depression is that it gives a Sufferer the chance to see things in black and white - thoughts, feelings, fears - and that makes it far easier to accept them and devise a plan to begin addressing them. Just thinking things through enough to write them down helps to order your thoughts - that's why I am a listaholic! It also helps things 'stick' in your head. How many times have you written a shopping list and then left it at home but managed to get everything anyway because the writing it down had helped you to remember the details?

By helping to keep certain things in mind, it can help the Sufferer to identify real-life examples or instances during the day. That's half the battle because it turns the mind straight to finding ways to find solutions there and then when the feelings are current, not recalled.

The advice seems to be that the journal should be written entirely to yourself. However, a further step in utilising this method to manage depression is to eventually share the writings with someone else - a mental health professional or someone very close. It basically fits with the old adage of 'a problem shared is a problem halved'. It's practically impossible to overcome depression entirely alone.

According to Jessie Gruman, PhD, executive director of the Center for the Advancement of Health (www.cfah.org) in Washington:

Sit in a comfortable chair, take a deep breath, and start writing. Keep it up for 20 minutes without stopping. See what comes out. If you are having trouble putting your finger on what's bothering you this may help you narrow the field." See the article here

She goes on to suggest that, if you don't really know where to start, pick a problem that often crops up and write down what it is that bothers about said problem. Then, write down possible outcomes and consider which seems most appealing and why.

Finally, you should make sure there's no element of 'chore' to the whole thing. So pick a pretty journal or write in glittery pens. Scrap punctuation if you like. Sod the urge to spell-check. Relax - this is for you, not a teacher!

It's all about the process rather than any end result.

Give it a try - it just might help!

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Dog-sitting

This is another great video from the World Health Organisation, addressing those of us living with a Sufferer. 

It's a must-watch.

There are some great ideas in here. I'm definitely going to look into the possibility of creating a Black Dog Box and also see what the benefits of keeping a Depression Journal might be.

Watch this space!

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An Apology.

I have lived with my Sufferer for six years now and it is only today - just now, in fact - having watched this video, that I have seen his black dog.

I feel so guilty that all I have noticed are the effects his black dog has had on our life, rather than the burden it is to him in everything he does, or tries to do. In everything he thinks. Feels. Is.

I will do everything in my power to help him tame that black dog. It might still crap on the carpet occasionally. But not on us.

Not on my Sufferer.

Not anymore.

Thank you to Sarah Tanner for sending me this invaluable lesson.
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Keeping the Plates Spinning

I had a lovely day on Saturday - friends, family, food - it should really have happened on a Sunday and taken place entirely from the comfort of my PJs but it was still perfect. Better still, it has inspired this post.

My day started with a long-overdue coffee and catch-up with an old school friend. He is not old, of course - we remain 24 regardless of how many contradictory years may pass! We have known each other since High School where we barely acknowledged each other's existence. 

Roll on a couple of decades and I like to think we're pretty good friends but with very different lives. I live in south Wales, in the UK, where life bumbles along through the drizzle. He lives his Filmmaker, Writer, Director days in the far more glamourous setting of Los Angeles. In amongst the general chatter about recent babies (my two boys who have both arrived since we last saw each other some six years ago! And his teeny tiny niece), he happened to mention that he is currently working on no fewer than 26 projects. 26? Two. Six. Twenty-six! And I'm sure at least a few of them will culminate with some kind of red-carpet opportunity! *not jealous, honest*

I rattled off a few of my own 'projects' mostly as a stab at a witty riposte. But it got me thinking. Just how many irons do I have in life's fire at present? It would be incredibly short-sighted to consider my life to be nothing but lie-ins and long weekends simply because I don't currently conform to the standard 9-5. So here goes - my current 'projects' include:

1. Raising three children (school runs, toddler groups, bedtimes)
2. Running a large household (balancing the books, making meals, cleaning)
3. Learning how to run (interval training every other day - up to 3.68km now)
4. Breastfeeding my youngest son
5. Expressing breastmilk for donation to a mother of twins in need
6. Helping my partner run his business (impending event in 24 hours!)
7. Write 31 Days
8. Helping other breastfeeding mums online and at the local support groups

Phewf. Not a bad list really. There is no contest, of course. I wasn't trying to compete. What really got me thinking was that I still have to try to fulfil my responsibilities when my Sufferer hits a low point. I have all of these plates spinning and I can't afford to let any of them stop turning.

The running and support group might seem dispensable but they are my only real source of satisfaction and solace. As things get tough, it's very easy for a Supporter to drop anything 'non-essential' just to make it through but that can be counter-productive. Anything that helps to keep a Supporter on an even keel IS essential. You can't be any help to your Sufferer if your stress and anxiety levels are creeping up. Removing any kind of sports activity from your 'to do' list will only make is harder for you to cope with the added demands of depression. Similarly, if you have external responsibilities which, like the Breastfeeding Group I attend, make me feel good, they are important. Furthermore, stopping them can make you feel as though you are letting others down and you don't need that guilty feeling on top of everything else.

So, how are we supposed to cope?

Erm...I don't really know yet. But I have a few ideas.

The first step is identifying when you are getting over-whelmed which can be easier said than done. Watch out for the tell-tale signs that your Sufferer is struggling and start setting-up a support structure. Better still, have one in place already and put it on 'alert' as soon as you can.

Try to get organised. If everything is pretty much where it should be when things turn turtle then it should make it easier to carry on regardless. Nothing worse than being buried under a mountain of dirty washing, overdue bills and household items on the 'Missing' list when your Sufferer then hits a low point - there's no climbing out of that hole on your own. Try to find a website that can help break down what to streamline. I like this blog or there are many others on organisation to be found on #Write31Days.

Your support network might be friends and family members who might not be able to cure your Sufferer, but they can certainly pick up the slack for you. Someone who can take the kids to the park for a bit. Maybe your in-laws would like to have you all round for dinner - saves you cooking that meal!

And if you don't have people nearby who can help out, survival is going to rely on your ability to relax a bit. I don't mean you should just pour an enormous glass of wine, put your feet up and throw on a Pan Pipes CD! You'll need to relax your standards a bit. So what if you haven't hoovered for so long the carpet looks a different colour? Is it actually going to do any long-term damage? Probably not. And I'm sure you're all, like me, preparing only the most perfectly balanced, organic, vegan haute cuisine for your loved ones (!) but if you have to turn to that grey stuff in a plastic pot at the back of the freezer or more takeaways than you'd normally have in a year, so be it. Give yourself a break. Give yourself permission to relax the rules to allow you to survive.

If you can blend all three of these elements - organisation, support, relaxation - you have every chance of finding the time (at least) to pick up the slack for your Sufferer.

It's still not easy - pride often makes it difficult to ask for help. Time pressures in ordinary life can make it impossible to get on top of being organised. I know this. I'm in the same position myself. I plan on trying to get a Back-up Plan in place - starting with making sure those close to us have some idea just what it can be like when things go pear-shaped. I must get organised too (and finish the unpacking!).

Oh, and if you have the cash to splash, definitely throw money at the problem! When you can't bear the house looking scruffy any longer, get a cleaner in. Buy ready meals that cost a fortune but get you fed fast. Buy a smartphone to keep your schedule on track. Pay your kids to do chores! Anything that helps you get through it.

I'll let you know when I've managed to practise that which I preach. Please do the same.

Share your tips for surviving the lows. Here's to the highs that are hopefully just around the corner.

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The Rough with the Smooth

I've said it before but I'll say it again just to be clear. Living with a Sufferer of depression is challenging but it's not all hellish misery and frustration. Not every minute of every day is an uphill struggle through treacle. Today was one of those good days. As such, this will be a rather more personal post than most.

Life is busy at the moment in our house. We only moved recently so there is still a certain amount of organising that needs doing - none of which is getting done at the moment! We have three children - one at senior school who is just learning to balance the demands of homework and social life, a toddler with two settings - sleep and run, and a six-month old who has just started weaning.

On top of all this background 'busy'ness, my partner also runs a business from home and with an event to finalise and run in only 48 hours there has been a great long list of things to be done. If you know depression, you'll know that getting things done can be impossible for many reasons. I've been draughted in to help wherever necessary - just a few weeks ago, this meant that I was expected to do everything and I was at the end of my tether. Utterly overwhelmed with the demands of day-to-day life, the move, the homework and now I was going to have to roll up my sleeves and get stuck in to an event I knew little of in an industry I knew nothing of.

But today was different. In fact, 'things' have been improving every day. Only in teeny steps but they are all heading in the right direction. Today we actually seemed to be on an even keel. And that is no mean feat! Yes, the kitchen is a tip. The cupboards are bare because a) we haven't had time to go shopping, but b) we also haven't had time to un/load the dishwasher! Everything kitchen-related (and a fair few random items!) have begun to settle in on the worktop. Oh, and some of the dirty washing has made it as far as a basket in front of the washing machine but there it remains, unwashed.

What was different today though was the action my partner exuded. I don't think I heard "I just can't" once today - well, I may have uttered it when it came to 'magicking' dinner from The Kitchen of Doom. We wrote a list on the whiteboard in our office - a joint effort rather than me adopting the role of military dictator, we identified who would do what and in what order, and we got shit done! Woohoo! There's still a pile of stuff to do and things seem to be falling out of place as quickly as we slot them in but it felt today as though we (that's WE, not I) could handle it...together.

Having finally made it to the dinner table, we sat and smiled through our baby's first proper meal. He is the World's happiest baby almost all the time anyway but tonight, chomping on a crust of toast, some baby sweetcorn and finally a (very boring) baby biscuit, he shone. To a joint chorus of "he's learning how to eat so nicely from you because you're his big brother", and more chuckling than I've heard in a long while, the littlest one shared his smiley, slobbery adventure with us all. What could easily have been a stressful event, relying on my planning and execution while my partner dipped in and out or cruised through on auto-pilot, has actually given us all a lovely shared memory of baby's first dinner and a satisfying end to that very rare thing - a productive day.

Just when I thought the day had finished on a good note, my best friend sent me a message and a video link. She said it reminded her of the two of us and our inability to avoid the giggles when we were working together. In fact, the harder we tried to stop, the worse we got. Every time. And there have been very many over the 15 or so years we've known and loved each other. The video - which is a 'must watch' - made me laugh. Again. And it reminded me just how good it feels to laugh.

We should all have laughter in our lives. When we find something that tickles us, we should remember just how lucky we are - not everyone has the opportunity and some of those who do just can't enjoy these little things when they come along.

Enjoy!

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