My Sufferer is one of those people who has a billion 'friends' on Facebook. He checks Twitter almost constantly. He is about as sociable as media would ever want him to be. However, in reality, he struggles a great deal with being sociable.
The circumstances don't really matter - we can be at his parents' house, at home with visitors or sat in a café having lunch - but he will always hide behind the screen of his smartphone, the pages of a book or the newspaper.
What's worse is that he cannot comprehend why I point out that his behaviour is anything other than perfectly socially acceptable. He just can't see it.
I wouldn't mind so much if he were interacting with people on his mobile phone but that is never the case. Yes, he texts/chats/messages people but that isn't out of any human desire to be sociable, rather it is provoked by someone's need for information on a topic in his area of expertise.
I have experienced no greater sense of loneliness than being in the same room as someone who behaves this way.
Apparently it is quite a common trait amongst sufferers of depression. Infact, I gather that it can become entirely overwhelming and lead to complete withdrawal from society and avoidance of any form of interaction. I feel so fortunate that my Sufferer manages to function far better than he might, given the circumstances.
As with any kind of change in behaviour, little steps are key. Pushing yourself to move in the right direction - slowly but surely.
We've taken a couple more steps in the right direction today. Or rather, my Sufferer has and I've been merrily dragged along too :)
This may seem trivial, but I can see the enormity of this one action: He posted on Facebook. Not about sport. About his own life. In fact, it was about our son and he even tagged me in it. What this did was leave him vulnerable which is why he never usually mentions real life on Facebook. I was elated. I did what anyone else would do. I clicked LIKE. Didn't want to go overboard now did I! ;)
As if that weren't enough, we had also been invited to a house-warming party at 4pm today. We went. With three children, there is no way we were turning down an invitation to a house party which extended to offspring! Might be the first time we've been to a party in...errr...yeah, that long!
And he was great. No phone in sight. No other 'shields'. Just him being himself with a bunch of people he had either never met or barely knew. And it wasn't as though there was a crowd to 'disappear' into - not quite a dozen, chatting in the kitchen. You would never know he were a fish out of water in these situations - he is chatty, funny, warm...
I'm sure he would have been pleased (?relieved) had I said I didn't feel like going. I'm over the moon that we went and that he has been buoyed-up today. It's another step along the journey and I for one intend on keeping looking up to wards the sky and not worrying about if/when/whether there will be a 'downwards' to consider someday.
Live in hope folks. There's always hope.
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