Vitality

I've just realised that the title of this post sounds like an advert for a hair product. Or for pet food. It is not.

I am about to argue semantics so please pay attention.

The opposite of depression is not happiness. The opposite of happiness is sadness.

My Sufferer may not be happy but that doesn't mean to say he is sad. He is depressed. And he recently found a way to describe how he feels. For him, depression is feeling as though his life is on auto-pilot. As if he is going through the motions - powerless to steer his own course, and incapable of fully interacting along the way.

I can't help but think of Adam Sandler's unfortunate character in 'Click'. [It's worth a watch.] Having fast-forwarded through life's 'boring bits', he finds those same bits zipping past him time and time again. The moral of the story being that the little things in life usually prove to be the big things, with hindsight.

Although counselling can be extremely effective for many suffering from depression, my Sufferer has always struggled with it. He is open to it. He doesn't find it difficult to sit and talk to the counsellor. He participates fully. He can see the merit it what he is being told and how that relates to the situation. But he can only relate it to a third party, not to himself. He cannot, despite many attempts thus far, 'feel' the results of counselling first hand. It's as if he is watching the conversation playing out on TV.

I like to imagine that bloomin' black dog has hit fast-forward and hidden the remote control somewhere...down the side of the sofa, behind the radiator, in a hole in the garden. At least that way I'd have a chance at finding a way to switch it back to 'play'.

Some clever soul has apparently already found the real opposite of depression:

"The opposite of depression is not happiness, but vitality"

Andrew Solomon, The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression

What an excellent word. A perfect choice. Naturally, he is a sufferer himself.

If only there were a shampoo that could restore my sufferer's natural 'vitality'. Make him shine again. If only.

In the meantime, we'll keep on keeping on with all of the other helpful steps towards recovery. Towards finding that darned remote. Towards kicking that black dog over the garden fence. Towards feeling, breathing, living life again.

 
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