Wednesday 29 October 2014

Epiphany & Inertia

My Sufferer read the post I wrote yesterday and he liked it. Always nice to hear - especially as he wasn't expecting to enjoy this project and half-expected a collection of 31 rants about how rubbish he is! [In fairness, I'm as surprised as he is!]

What has exceeded all of my expectations, however, is that my post made him think. And he realised something. For the first time in fifteen years, he has been able to see that he is constantly waiting for the next thing to happen that moves his life on. He doesn't see that he is master of his own destiny but rather a pawn in someone else's game.

He went on to tell me how disappointed he has been with his progress - or perceived lack thereof - over the last couple of weeks. From my perspective, he has taken many steps in the right direction and I'm really pleased for him. What was particularly interesting was that this wasn't delivered in the usual context and by the usual means. This wasn't the black dog beating my Sufferer iver the head with how much better he should be doing by now. Oh no. This was HIM talking to me. Like two people discussing the weather almost. So matter of fact. And yet so considered. I consider this a bloody huge breakthrough!

I can't help but think just how tough it must be to live in a state of inertia. Maybe that would be a better name for depression. Living as though someone else has the strings. Sometimes thinking for a moment that you can take control but always being pulled back by the perceived puppeteer.

It made me think of this song - a song I know well and love. Reviewing the lyrics, I can't believe how apt it is. This one's for you.

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3 comments:

  1. Thanks for opeening my eyes about what depression feels like on the inside. I love the way you write with honesty and courage. As a support person myself I get it. :-) Julie

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  2. Depression is such a long road not only for the people who suffer with it, but those who love them.

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  3. I've been following your blog.....as an ex-sufferer I find it incredibly poignant and I am so glad that your sufferer has been moved by it. I say I am an "ex" sufferer, I don't think it ever truly disappears completely but as you so rightly say it is ultimately in your own hands (or head) and until you can accept that it can be a long road. I told very few people about my depression at the time. I felt weak and ashamed, because as you say, on the surface I had everything going for me...family, enough money to be comfortable etc. Managed (don't know how) to hold down a professional job through it all....slapped on a smile at the door when sometimes on the way to work I had to stop to be sick with fear/worry about how I would cope. Keep writing Sarah....you don't know how many people you are touching and helping with your thoughtful posts and to your sufferer, there is light at the end of this tunnel.....when you start to see chinks they will get bigger and bigger and you will start to feel in control xxx

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