I had a lovely day on Saturday - friends, family, food - it should really have happened on a Sunday and taken place entirely from the comfort of my PJs but it was still perfect. Better still, it has inspired this post.
My day started with a long-overdue coffee and catch-up with an old school friend. He is not old, of course - we remain 24 regardless of how many contradictory years may pass! We have known each other since High School where we barely acknowledged each other's existence.
Roll on a couple of decades and I like to think we're pretty good friends but with very different lives. I live in south Wales, in the UK, where life bumbles along through the drizzle. He lives his Filmmaker, Writer, Director days in the far more glamourous setting of Los Angeles. In amongst the general chatter about recent babies (my two boys who have both arrived since we last saw each other some six years ago! And his teeny tiny niece), he happened to mention that he is currently working on no fewer than 26 projects. 26? Two. Six. Twenty-six! And I'm sure at least a few of them will culminate with some kind of red-carpet opportunity! *not jealous, honest*
I rattled off a few of my own 'projects' mostly as a stab at a witty riposte. But it got me thinking. Just how many irons do I have in life's fire at present? It would be incredibly short-sighted to consider my life to be nothing but lie-ins and long weekends simply because I don't currently conform to the standard 9-5. So here goes - my current 'projects' include:
- Raising three children (school runs, toddler groups, bedtimes)
- Running a large household (balancing the books, making meals, cleaning)
- Learning how to run (interval training every other day - up to 3.68km now)
- Breastfeeding my youngest son
- Expressing breastmilk for donation to a mother of twins in need
- Helping my partner run his business (impending event in 24 hours!)
- Write 31 Days
- Helping other breastfeeding mums online and at the local support groups
Phewf. Not a bad list really. There is no contest, of course. I wasn't trying to compete. What really got me thinking was that I still have to try to fulfil my responsibilities when my Sufferer hits a low point. I have all of these plates spinning and I can't afford to let any of them stop turning.
The running and support group might seem dispensable but they are my only real source of satisfaction and solace. As things get tough, it's very easy for a Supporter to drop anything 'non-essential' just to make it through but that can be counter-productive. Anything that helps to keep a Supporter on an even keel IS essential. You can't be any help to your Sufferer if your stress and anxiety levels are creeping up. Removing any kind of sports activity from your 'to do' list will only make is harder for you to cope with the added demands of depression. Similarly, if you have external responsibilities which, like the Breastfeeding Group I attend, make me feel good, they are important. Furthermore, stopping them can make you feel as though you are letting others down and you don't need that guilty feeling on top of everything else.
So, how are we supposed to cope?
Erm...I don't really know yet. But I have a few ideas.
The first step is identifying when you are getting over-whelmed which can be easier said than done. Watch out for the tell-tale signs that your Sufferer is struggling and start setting-up a support structure. Better still, have one in place already and put it on 'alert' as soon as you can.
Try to get organised. If everything is pretty much where it should be when things turn turtle then it should make it easier to carry on regardless. Nothing worse than being buried under a mountain of dirty washing, overdue bills and household items on the 'Missing' list when your Sufferer then hits a low point - there's no climbing out of that hole on your own. Try to find a website that can help break down what to streamline. I like this blog or there are many others on organisation to be found on #Write31Days.
Your support network might be friends and family members who might not be able to cure your Sufferer, but they can certainly pick up the slack for you. Someone who can take the kids to the park for a bit. Maybe your in-laws would like to have you all round for dinner - saves you cooking that meal!
And if you don't have people nearby who can help out, survival is going to rely on your ability to relax a bit. I don't mean you should just pour an enormous glass of wine, put your feet up and throw on a Pan Pipes CD! You'll need to relax your standards a bit. So what if you haven't hoovered for so long the carpet looks a different colour? Is it actually going to do any long-term damage? Probably not. And I'm sure you're all, like me, preparing only the most perfectly balanced, organic, vegan haute cuisine for your loved ones (!) but if you have to turn to that grey stuff in a plastic pot at the back of the freezer or more takeaways than you'd normally have in a year, so be it. Give yourself a break. Give yourself permission to relax the rules to allow you to survive.
If you can blend all three of these elements - organisation, support, relaxation - you have every chance of finding the time (at least) to pick up the slack for your Sufferer.
It's still not easy - pride often makes it difficult to ask for help. Time pressures in ordinary life can make it impossible to get on top of being organised. I know this. I'm in the same position myself. I plan on trying to get a Back-up Plan in place - starting with making sure those close to us have some idea just what it can be like when things go pear-shaped. I must get organised too (and finish the unpacking!).
Oh, and if you have the cash to splash, definitely throw money at the problem! When you can't bear the house looking scruffy any longer, get a cleaner in. Buy ready meals that cost a fortune but get you fed fast. Buy a smartphone to keep your schedule on track. Pay your kids to do chores! Anything that helps you get through it.
I'll let you know when I've managed to practise that which I preach. Please do the same.
Share your tips for surviving the lows. Here's to the highs that are hopefully just around the corner.
Follow on Facebook and Twitter @PondersNeverEnd or use #CrazyStupidDepression
No comments:
Post a Comment