GUEST POST: "I can’t be bothered" by My Sufferer

My Sufferer has taken the time to write a guest post for us. It's important, as a Supporter, to have as much understanding as possible of depression in order to fight it with a united front. I hope you gain something from reading the following:

"I can't be bothered" 

This simple phrase, mostly spoken internally and not out loud – convenient excuses work so much better, is something that is/was (hopefully not will be) repeating over and over like a broken record in my head. From the mundane to the exciting, from miserable to (usually) pleasurable, no activity is safe from the inhibiting nature of this refrain. 

It is incredibly tough to deal with, and even harder to explain to others, how, without any forewarning, trigger or indication, the world can almost be closed off to a sufferer of depression as they sit mired in the fog of their own negativity.

One of the difficulties of being a depressed person is dealing with an accusation of avoidance of doing things no one ‘wants’ to do i.e. chores, work, etc. What others don't see is the avoidance of activities that the sufferer also does ‘want’ to do – hobbies etc. The picture that can then be built up of the depressed person is one of laziness and selfishness – accusations that serve to reinforce one’s own sense of low worth.

These accusations are things I have dealt with, and still deal with from some quarters. Depression is used as such a wide ranging term it is difficult to separate fact from fiction and something that my partner, until recently, didn't really understand. Growing up, and for much of her adult life my partner has always been a ‘pull yourself together’, ‘just get on with it’ type of person. To a true sufferer of depression (not someone who is just a bit down) this is akin to learning to breathe underwater.

I am thankful to my partner for undertaking this 31 Days of Writing as it is leading to a deeper understanding of the issues I face, and giving us the opportunity to turn from fighting each other over ultimately trivial matters to fighting my depression together.

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